Madame Web (2024)

There are spoilers and stats below.

Plot

Cassandra Webb is an EMT in NYC who begins developing clairvoyance. Soon she finds herself entangled in a web of mystery tied to her past. She must protect three young women with important destinies from Ezekiel Sims, an evil Spider-Man.

Review

You will notice that most of my reviews on here are positive. That's because most of the time, I'd rather just not talk about something I don't like. I'm going to make an exception today. Though it looked weird, I was interested in the movie when it was announced and the first trailer dropped. The villain, Ezekiel Sims was a decisive but interesting addition to Spider-Man lore. He introduced the idea of the Spider-Totems, Morlun, and the Inheritors to the mythos (and by proxy the concept of the Spider-Verse). 

Unfortunately none of this is mentioned in the movie and this one really might be as bad as the critics said. I'll start by talking about the good points. The idea that not every person gets the same spider powers is an interesting one. Ezekiel's costume looks like a cool dark version of Spider-Man without the spider symbol. Spider-Woman II/Arachne, Araña/Spider-Girl III, and Spider-Woman III all have cool costumes and their action scenes are cool. This leads me to my first complaint, we only see the Spider-Ladies in action in a brief nightmare/vision Ezekiel has and posing in vision Madam Web has at the end. The film's dialogue is flat and the delivery is just bad. Dakota Johnson seems bored and confused the whole time. Her delivery is awkward and off-putting. Ezekiel's dialogue just doesn't sound natural, like there is some sort of dubbing thing. Adam Scott plays Ben Parker and Emma Roberts is Mary Parker. Both characters are wasted though. Though he's not named, Peter Parker is born in the film. There's some weird product placement with Pepsi (who are involved with Ezekiel's death). Finally the introduction of Las Arañas was just kind of meh. They could have been cool, like most of the film just kind of fell flat.

I'm not saying don't watch it, but definitely don't pay to watch it.

What I Would Have Done

I don't normally do this but I'm going to talk about what I would have done differently. I would have definitely introduced the idea of Morlun and the Inheritors. Instead of just being selfish and wanting power, I would have had Ezekiel offing Spider-People to keep the Inheritors from focusing on his Earth. He could have even went full Terminator and went after Mary to stop the birth of Peter. Also while they could have kept the spiders that give them their powers, I would have dropped the super powered Las Arañas tribe as a whole. Or kept them, but made them guardians of the spiders, rather than having them powered by the spiders.

In Your Game 

Ezekiel doesn't have the full suite of Spider-Man powers. He has enhanced strength/dexterity/constitution, a neurotoxin touch, and visions of the future. I'm also giving him resistance to bludgeoning damage because he gets hit by vehicles twice in the movie and keeps going.

Real Name: Ezekiel Sims

Medium Humanoid (Spider-Person), Neutral Evil 

Armor Class: 16 (Dex)

Hit Points: 112 (12d8+60)

Speed: 30 ft., Climbing 30 ft

Challenge: 5 (1,800 XP)

Str 22 (+6) Dex 22 (+6) Con 20 (+5) Int 15 (+2) Wis 14 (+2) Cha 12 (+1)

Saving Throws: Dex +9, Con +8

Skills: Acrobatics +9, Athletics +9, Deception +4, Perception +5, Stealth +9 

Damage Resistance: Bludgeoning

Senses: passive Perception 12

Languages: Spanish, English

Unique Traits

Evasion: Ezekiel can dodge out of the way of area of effect spells and attacks. When subjected to one that allows him to make a Dexterity saving throw to take only half damage, he takes no damage  instead if he succeeds and only half if he fails.

Spider-Climb: Ezekiel can climb difficult surfaces, including upside down on ceilings without having to make an ability check.

Spider-Sense: Ezekiel adds +4 to his Initiative checks and can't be surprised while he is conscious. Creatures that gain Advantage to attacks against him because of invisibility or stealth lose Advantage on those attacks. He loses all perks of this trait other than initiative against a foe that also has Spider-Sense.

Actions

Mutliattack: Ezekiel can make three slam attacks.

Neurotoxin: Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 9 (2d4+5) poison damage.  The target must succeed on a DC 16 Constitution saving throw or be poisoned for 1 minute. If the target already has the poisoned condition they gain a level of exhaustion.

Slam: Melee Weapon Attack +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., (one target), Hit: 10 (1d8+6) bludgeoning damage.